Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

New Energy Source Found! Clean and Sexy.

June 23, 2007


  I don’t typically read the news because I find it rather pedestrian.  However, today I happened upon (I think upon should be spelled appon.  Just my opionion.  I am right.) a news article that indicated that a new abundant energy source has been found.  It’s a plant!  It’s not this plant by it looks like it.  Recently, scientists have been able to easily convert this plentiful shrub into a liquid that can immediately be substituted for gasoline in most modern vehicles.  This is very exciting stuff, folks. 

  While this plant is plentiful it only grows in certain climates, it’s cheap to harvest and easy to convert.  It’s the bee’s knees.  We can quit all this squabbling over oil and start harvesting the new stuff!  As long as no one is hiding any big weapons or pretending to hide them or someone is pretending that they are hiding them or someone is pretending that they are pretending to hide them, then I think this is a win-win-win. 

  Sidestory (this would be in the Business section of a newspaper):  Recently, the wife and I went to a Dave Bazan show at the Underground Coffeehouse on Western’s Campus.  The show was great!  There were two opening bands and they both probably played longer sets than they should have, but the second band had a guy playing the saw!  My search for saw actually showed a “singing saw”.  I guess that’s what it’s called.  Anyway, I didn’t know how that willowy eery sound was made, but had the opportunity to hear it first hand.  A singing saw, a cello, and an acoustic guitar make an awesome trio.  So, props to that band, whatever they are called.  Dave Bazan played a few songs from his new solo album “Fewer Moving Parts” and in the encore he played a couple songs from “Control“.  Probably the highlight for the night was his cover of Bob Dylan’s “The Man in Me” from “New Morning“.  A close second to this song was the sideline event.  Whilst the wife and I stood by watching the show there was about 5 or 6 guys off to the side in a small billards room.  Not a bad setup actually.  It’s a sound proof room with a pool table and some chairs.  There’s a window that allows for people to watch those playing pool and for those inside to watch people watch them play pool.  It’s a voyeur’s paradise.  Or is it.  I was scanning the room just kinda wandering with my head on a turret and I noticed this guy in a black Transformers t-shirt staring out at me.  I didn’t really think anything of it and continued to enjoy the show.  Moments later, I scanned again and this guy was really staring at me hard.  I was about to avert my eyes, but then I realized what was happening.  This boyo was challenging me to a duel.  Not swords or pistols, but a battle of the wills.  Luckily, I had been training for that moment and moments like that moment for many a momenti.  So, I locked eyes and summoned up all of my furious hatred and pushed my will through the glass, into his eyes, and through his head until it burst.  This explosion filled the billiard room with brain fragments, bits of skull, and bloody mist.  My wife happened to look up as this was taking place and said something like, “What the hell are you doing?”  Of course, I couldn’t reply because I was busy pushing his brain out of his skull, but it was moments later that he realized what was happening and dropped his eyes in shame.  He began to grin and looked back up.  I took this victorious moment to blow him a kiss.  I believe that he may have been offended and shamed, but then he started to endure the mockery of his friends inside the billiards room.  This was a proud moment.  My heartfelt thanks goes out to TimeCrisis3 for all the time and dedication that he invested to prepare me for that glorious victory.

 Until next moment…probably.



Don’t go chasing waterfalls – please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.

April 24, 2007


  I have an excellent excuse for the delay in my postings.  I’ve been out to sea for a while trying out a new hobby.  I’ve been whale fishing for the past month and I’ve never had more fun in my entire life.

  Lots of people came out to protest the launching of our ship The Occupation, but we were set on learning to art of whale fishing.  The crew consisted of a few hearty souls that would settle for nothing less than the pleasure of crouching together inside the beating chambers of a blue whale’s heart.  I’m the Ahab looking character in the background, but I’m far from the most hardy sailor of our crew.  To my right is Pastor Tony.  I enlisted his help in case any of us needed spiritual guidance.  In front of Pastor Tony is Doc.  He’s the man responsible for making our ship sail.  All of our success is directly tied to his ability to keep us afloat.  The last of our crew is G-Money.  He served as medic and cook.  Luckily, his services as a cook were needed more than his services as medic, but it’s nice to have that security.  After setting sail we encountered an unexpected suprise.  A stowaway.  I didn’t have a camera handy so I made him stand there whilst I sketched him.  It was too far into the expedition to turn back and I didn’t have it in me to throw him overboard.  We kept him, trained him, fed him, and he was happy.  He went by the loving handle U-Boat Paradise. 

  Whale fishing is not as easy as it sounds.  I left the details of what kind of test line and fishing rod I’d need to chance because this type of whale fishing is new on the scene.  I’d been whale fishing in the past, but never like this.  Our previous expedition was difficult because we had to chase these blue whales for leagues trying to get alongside them at the precise moment they came up for a breath.  At just the right time, we light a stick of dynamite and jam it down into the blow hole and quickly create space between target and ship.  Naturally, this method has some drawbacks.  Harvesting the whale heart after the killshot is very difficult and there is the possibility that the heart may not be recoverable at all.  Secondly, a blue whale will sink faster than a stone after its lungs are gone.  We decided to take a traditional fishing method (not fly-fishing) and see if we would be able to wrestle the beast into submission. 

  No one has attempted this type of whale fishing.  We schemed for days and invented a very successful method for hooking a blue whale.  I decided that a blue whale calf would be our first target because it woudl be easier given the lack of survival experience in contrast to a full grown blue.  I spent two days shining my hook to give it a bright and alluring look.  Instead of using just one plankton, I baited it with two plankton.  I reasoned that the calf would see two lazy plankton ripe for the picking and a nice new shiny object to explore as well.  These two factors would be too much for the calf to resist.  An adult blue wouldn’t be enchanted by shiny objects because its been too long in life to be distracted by these things. 

  The expedition was a wild success.  The calf’s heart was too small to accomodate all four of us, but we hollowed the chambers out and slid through one at a time.  We received various offers for different whale parts and sold them for a hefty profit.  After investing in the new Nick Cave & Grinderman album, we donated the rest of the money to Yatta


You Wash and I’ll Dry!

January 24, 2007


So, I happen to be married to a beautiful woman.  We’ve been married for 74 days and about 5 hours at the time of this post.  So far, I’ve learned a few things and I’ve relearned a few things, but mostly I’m having the happiness of my life.  Of course, I’m only 26 years old and I don’t know anything about anything, but I do know that I love the pants off my wife!  (yea, that’s a double meaning – I’m an artist so get used to seeing that type of thing here.) 

One thing that we’ve noticed is that there are certain chores that each of us prefers not to do.  WideEyedWonder does not like to dry the dishes.  (yes, we are living in a house without a dishwasher, BUT!  we do have our washer and dryer in the kitchen.  This feature makes cooking and laundry so easy that I recommend this configuration to everyone.  Not to mention the extra countertop space…. plush.)  Meanwhile, I’m not particularily excited about washing dishes.  Hopefully, I don’t need to spell out how nicely this works out for us, but I’ll do it anyway because I don’t trust you.  She washes and I dry.  During this chore, we can talk and I can pester my lovely bride.  This method has changed this from a chore into a fun game that’s also productive.  I didn’t think such things were possible, but this is one of the many wonderful suprises that I’ve encountered in the best 74 days and 5 hours of my life.  It’s not always this much fun.  Sometimes, I do the dishes alone or she may clean the bathroom (who knew those needed to be cleaned more than once every 6 months?).  However, I always look forward to doing chores when we are doing them together and suddenly those chores aren’t so bad at all.  I’ve got my buddy with me and we’re mixing it up.  In no time at all the chores are done.  After that we can play Scrabble, watch TV or a movie, geek out on the comps, or see if any of my suggestive comments become more than comments. 

Of course, marriage has its challenges.  There are miscommunications, mix-ups, and the occasional request.  All of these things are part of living with someone closely day in and day out, but it helps to know that with all these oddities the overwhelming majority of the time is spent in happiness and gratitude.  There’s a lot of giving, of love, and a massive amount of grace.  And some of the best times start with “I’ll wash if you dry.”

I’m not implying anything…

January 21, 2007


I just thought this was a nice gesture.  New post coming soon… probably.


January 19, 2007


 I just lost a game of scrabble to WideEyedWonder.  It’s okay though… that game is a scam and WideEyedWonder is a magic-using elvish orc!  OOOoOOoO PWNED!  Yea, that’s right!  You heard it here first, folks. 

The Game of Kings

January 18, 2007

4 Day Theory

I’m confident that no one will read this blog other than people I know.  However, there is the possibility that someone will stumble upon this blog and not know what the hell I’m talking about.  So!  In all fairness to those who don’t know about Munchkin, I have to explain that I’m simply the best Munchkin player ever. Yes. It’s true. My competition? Peasants. And I don’t mind telling them that they are peasants.   I don’t care if you’ve played a thousand times or if this is your first game!  I will tell you straight up – You’re about to get owned…. bitch

Some people, including my bitches, say that I don’t win every time and that’s true.  They say things like, “4Day, you’re a moron and I want you to die in a fire!”  That’s ridiculous.  I’m the Dragon.  So, you may hear or see things that would lead you to believe that I am not the best, but I’m here to tell you the truth!  That’s what the 4DayTheory is all about.  The truth is that I really am the best.  I’ve had some fans recently ask me what the three chief virtues of being a gosu munchkin player are.  It’s simple.  It’s the same three virtues that are used in Life.  Skill, Vigilance, and a little Luck. 

Recently, WideEyedWonder and I have been playing Munchkin with Brett, Randy, and John.  It’s in this game that I understand that my wife can be vicious.  She’s devious!  Of course she’s still a peasant, but I’d put her on par with some of the other great players.  Players like Chris, Steve Cave, and Dan Oxford (certainly not Cecilia – she’s never one a game).  What WeW lacks in familiarity with the game she makes up for in fire & brimstone.  I previously mentioned Brett.  He’s my cousin and his playing style is like his style in life.  At the first downturn, he focuses all of his hate on me and stops trying to “win”.  Once this happens, winning for him is making sure that I lose.  This is the common though process of a peasant.  Noble as it may seem, it actually doesn’t help you win in the traditional sense… and we’re all about tradition.  Randy is timid and I almost feel bad beating him.  John is still trying to figure things out, but he’s a bit behind the eight ball (whatever that means). 

Some of you may be wondering where this post is going.  Well, it’s leading you right to this point where I tell you what I’ve told you all along.  I’m the greatest Munchkin player ever.  This is the one thing in life that I’m the best at.  Ever.  Yep, peaked on the wrong thing and peaked early, but at least I peaked.

 I win.  One to nothing.

I immediately regret this decision…

January 16, 2007

4 Day Theory

The big news can all be found here. Stacey’s site is far more classy and coherent. Of course, if you’re at my blog then you probably have no idea what the hell is going on. Let me be the first to say “Welcome to the World Wide Web!” and “I apologize for everything you read and see here”.

There is one thing that you want to keep in mind whilst browsing this blog. I’m an English major. Normally that would mean that the author has excellent grammar and spelling.  Lucky for you that’s exactly what you’re going to get, but I’m going to use the NEW grammar & spelling.  That means that I can do whatever I want because I’m creating this new grammar & spelling.  I’m an arteest. 

Well..  I’m going to go work on everything else… 

 I hate you….probably.